To watch someone you love slowly lose their ability to take care of themselves is a harsh and devastating reality for many of us. One that inevitably we should work harder to emotionally, physically and financially prepare for. The people that were our heroes, our guardians , the ones who took care of us. Then suddenly, you wake up one day and they are in need of a little extra help to get their day started. You lend a hand, you begin to take on more responsibility to help them out, after all they have given you many years of ease, nurturing, and love. The least you can do is return the favor in their time of need, right? As the days go on, you pick up more and more responsibilities. You become an essential part of their day to day survival.
In some cases neglecting the essential needs of your own day to ensure their needs are met. When our loved ones need us, we show up, and show up again and again until we ourselves are depleted, and guilt filled for feeling tired. This is where your caregiver burn out begins. The burnout will create an imbalance in your life that fuels rage, emptiness, and robs you from the very precious moments you have with your loved one. Showing up for those we care for looks different for everyone, but as our loved ones require more support, WE need more support. The support to emotionally navigate our new reality, the support to assist with their needs, the support to find the resources they deserve.
As caregivers we often think that we must give full care and ask for no help because that shows our love and dedication. That is untrue and will result in self destruction and burn out. The level of burnout is determined based on your level of responsibility and capacity given your own life responsibilities. Oftentimes you may need physical help, companionship to vent, upkeep with the house. It is necessary to assess your life needs as well as the needs of your loved one and seek support that will lighten the load.
There is no way to prevent the need for extra assistance, but we can prepare for it. Through homecare providers you can alleviate some of those pressures and continue to enjoy the precious moments with your loved ones. We often think of assistance as nursing homes and full care being given but the burn out we experience as caregivers is often from the small details of the day that take a mental toll on us. Research the assistance available in your area, outsource services that cause you a mental toll.
There is no reward for exhaustion is a motto to live by especially when one's responsibilities are plenty, ask for the help.
Contributor: Ayat Soluiman
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